"I have no will power,” she says as she stubs out her Marlboro
taking a sip from her stale beer
and wondering when she will change
knowing she will never change, at least not the way she planned
another episode, another hour lost
another moment when she won't have to think
about her stagnant life
minutes pass, hours
of blank thoughts and dull dreams
vivid images leave her mind
because she loses herself every time in the buzzing, blurring void
"my life has meaning" she breathes in and breathes out
but doesn't breathe enough
never enough, there is never enough air
"Taking charge of my life is not ever easy, living the life I have planned is not ever enough"
breaking at the wrong time, cracking at the worst moment
she chain smokes because it helps, it makes everything fade
and makes her world easier to deal with
"I am a shit show in a blue wig" and for now that will have to be enough.
and with the flick of her lighter, cigarette poised in between two fingers
she burns down another one.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment