Overweight? I'm Too Fat For This Family.

Poem written 10/12/07



Looking in the mirror I can't quite see the girl I used to be.
I'm broken and battered,
alone and shattered.
I can't see, I can't feel, I can't love.
I need to love. I need to change.
My world is change, change is changing and I'm changing too.
I wear clothes I pick up off the floor.
I wear my heart on my dirty sleeve and can't seem to remember when I used to be clean.
I can't get clean.
My life, my lifestyle is different, I am different.
Embrace me, degrade me.
Stop.
No need to, I can handle it on my own, I do handle it on my own.
Don't you?
I've never felt that way, the way everyone should fee or maybe I'm deluded
secluded, obtrusive.
Angular folds of me peel off my skin and I just let those layers fall.
Let the layers slip off of who I am, who I was and who I will never be.
This is me, I am not you, I am not a carbon copy of you.
LOVE ME NOW.
I hate, I dissipate, I disappear.
No love for the dismembered, gargantuan people that live among us
giants with golden hearts but no new starts
Working, breathing, breaking in front of you, pleading to find yourself with us and not fear what is real, what is right there
reach out and you can touch me.
What could be normal if you just understood
Understood I want to be seen as this, what's right in front of you.
This is me, that is not
That will never be which should have never been.
And I won't give up.
Not until you can look me in the eye and seem me for what I am, who I am.
See me for this, take a look around
I am everywhere.