Regretfully, Yours

My regrets.

Having a two night stand with someone I didn't even like. Never saying goodbye. Never keeping in touch or reaching out. Being a cutter. Being a self-hating depricator. Not saying what I mean, saying too much and saying nothing at all.

They say a life lived without regrets is a life well lived. I say a life without regrets is no life lived at all. If you do not act or if you do; you could cause regret within yourself. Any choice you make has the potential to be the wrong one. Would you even know you were alive without having to make decisions and choices? Would you even know you had anything to regret?

I regret hating others. My judgements, my grudges. Cutting the people out of my life with no reasons given. Not being held responsible, not holding myself responsible. Gluttony. Selfishness. Doubting and fear. Not being in the moment. Each and every one of my vices and addictions.

All of these help me to know I'm alive. That I am living in this place right here and now. I don't think of my regrets in the negative sense of the word, I think of these things that I have done. Of all the feelings I have felt and thoughts I have thought. And I am happy for these memories, these conscious and subconscious choices. Although some hold a certain sadness I can not cry. Because all of these things have made me who I am right now, I am who I choose to be.

Free. Peaceful. Quiet. Creative. Contemplative. Brass. My laughter is loud, my whole body cries when I am upset. I am an intelligent, willful, in control revolution.

These words make me who I am, my choices make me who I am, my thoughts make me who I am and finally I can see myself for who I truly am. One woman, standing up for what she believes in.

One woman who is following her journey.